[Father Paul]
I heard two interviews on the radio the other day. One was a review of a book about a middle-aged woman who was going through a massive mid-life crisis and was really looking for a way for her life to make sense but just wasn't finding it. The second was an article about a study on loneliness, how it seems to be increasing so much. Both seemed to point towards loneliness as a deep problem. So, just for fun, I asked ChatGPT "are people lonely today?"
The short answer: Yes. It cited a 2021 study by Cigna that found that over half of American adults are considered lonely by clinical standards.
Who is at risk?
Young Adults: According to a 2024 APA survey, 30 percent of Americans aged 18 to 34 said they were lonely at least several times a week.
Older Adults: The 2023 University of Michigan National Poll on Healthy Aging found, 37 percent of US adults aged 50 to 80 reported a lack of companionship over the last year.
Individuals with Limited Social Support: People who lack strong social networks or live in areas with limited access to community resources may be more vulnerable to loneliness.
So, how do we address loneliness? The answer from chat gpt seems obvious:
Prioritize Social Connections: Make an effort to spend time with friends and family, join clubs or groups, and participate in community activities.
Seek Support: If you are struggling with loneliness, reach out to a mental health professional or support group.
Promote Supportive Communities: Create environments that foster social connection and belonging.
We all know this, if you are lonely, reach out to others. Don’t be alone. But here is something ironic. We all agree that the answer to loneliness is in connection with others, but so many who are feeling lonely today still insist that religion has nothing to do with other people. You might hear something like this (I’ve heard it myself, many times): “My belief in God is a totally private matter. I don’t need church to be a follower or Jesus or to pray or to feel forgiven. I don’t need to be part of a community like a church.” And yet, this very same group is also very lonely.
Is it possible that the answer to loneliness is right here at St. Alexander church? Here we have a place that does both: it provides a place where you can explore your spirituality deep in your own heart, and it is a place where you can have very deep, very meaningful social connections.
In other words, if anyone here is feeling lonely, you are in the right place. Here are four spiritual answers to loneliness, each of them deeper, each of them a better cure for loneliness:
The first answer to loneliness is on the level of what is sometimes called “the interior life.” it is the life of faith, of heart, of depth. For those who insist that faith is only a private matter, I insist that it is both a private and a community matter, but the private part of it is extremely important, if not the most important part of it. Search your heart for the answers. Know that you are not alone, that Jesus and God are with you always. To suggest that the idea of community is irrelevant or unnecessary might not be true: Why can’t we have both? Why can’t we have a profoundly deep spiritual life and a connection to others? In fact maybe deepening one automatically deepens the other.
This brings us to the second answer to loneliness, just being together. I used to play hockey up in Toronto with some friends from the Czech/Slovak community. I played in net so I didn’t often get a chance to talk to them, in fact, on one level I didn’t know them at all, not even their names (at least not most of them). but there was still a connection, we had a lot of fun together. In fact, I would say our connection was quite deep. I know that some people here at St. Alexander feel this level of connection as well, and I value it and respect it. Maybe you don’t know everyones name and at this point are not interested in having deep friendship with those here at Church. But we are still worshipping God together, whether we know each other personally or not. As pastor, I’m just very glad you’re here rather than sitting at home feeling lonely.
The third answer to loneliness is a bit more subtle, perhaps, but it is the level of community is commitment to a particular parish. This is often expressed as a kind of loyalty. “I love this community and I like coming back.” God Bless you for it, you are the rock, the foundation upon which Jesus will build his church. This kind of openness opens the door to a willingness to take the next step in the answer to loneliness: spiritual friendship.
The fourth answer to loneliness is at the level of friendship. spiritual friendship. For those of us who have joined our small group initiative, you are probably starting to feel this. I know I am. The ability just to talk over coffee with a group of like minded individuals is amazing. That’s why I’m doing it here, that’s what is being emphasized as a path to discipleship.
Small groups allow us to create those spiritual friendships that are so important
Small groups allow us to encourage each other in daily life
Small groups strengthen our faith.
So I think it is most definitely possible to have both a profound, private relationship with God deep in your heart, but it is also possible to share that relationship with others who are on the same spiritual path. In fact, I think it is essential. Our book, Rebuilt Faith, that our small groups are reflection on, refers to the example of the California Redwood tree. It soars over 350 feet high, but its roots are only shallow. How does it stand? It stands because it’s roots go out sideways. When we participate in community life, our roots go sideways as well, so that our relationships with others, relationships that are nourishing and healthy, allow us to soar as well.
I’m also reminded of my experience doing bench press exercises back when I was working out in the gym. Sometimes a spotter would pretend to lift the weights with us, and it was amazing how much lighter the weights felt, even though the spotter wasn’t doing anything physical to assist! I also remember going to China for a few months to work out in a Shaolin Kung Fu Academy. On Fridays we had to do the ‘mountain run.” We walked up the nearby mountainside to a temple (about an hour walk, all uphill, hard enough as it was), but then we had to run up these 350 steps. But what was amazing was the encouragement we heard from the stronger students who were already running back down the mountain. “You got this!” “You can do this.” “You’re almost there!” And when we did it, the bond we felt was deeply spiritual.
I conclude with a quotation that was once attributed (falsely) to Pope Francis, but it’s still a beautiful sentiment no matter where it came from:
Nothing in nature lives for itself. The rivers do not drink their own water; the trees do not eat their own fruit; the sun does not shine on itself and flowers do not spread their fragrance for themselves. Living for others is a rule of nature. We are all born to help each other. No matter how difficult it is...Life is good when you are happy; but much better when others are happy because of you.
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